Monday, July 4, 2011
Recently i met a new friend from the center. He's a very special guy in the sense that he's 33 and still thinks and acts like he's 12. But a 12 year old that can drive a car. We could get along because he used to suffer from depression and we could relate well to each other. But what was also starkly different was he was as sincere and innocent as a 12 year old kid. I lost my innocence due to circumstance but thats a different story i wont wanna tell in this post. It was the quality that i wanted along. It was this that made him likeable and easy to get along with.
He told me to be more open as i have always been closed up inside. Lost innocence. But i want to reclaim that now. And i have seen someone who does have it and is liked by everyone. And so i shall open up more and be more....open and be more me.
We chatted, and opened up to each other pretty quickly. Soon i was with him everywhere the gompa. He was extremely close with someone that i thought to be nasty and sneaky, but now i realize that person did have a loving and caring side to him. It was just that i was too self absorbed to recognize, appreciate and make things better.
Soon we were giving each other hugs. And he gave me his tiger eye mala. I gave him a Dzambala Chakra because i knew he would need it. We spent his last night in KL at my new room as he was to depart to Singapore due to his contract for 2 years. We had fun and bonded over that night. For one night, i finally get to feel what is it like to have a brother. We horsed around and tickled each other and hugged each other. We joked. We teased. We bonded as if we were blood brothers that night.
When morning came, he gave me a Mahakala Chakra. (I have 2 now and he is my most favoritest Dharma protector) and a card. Both of them i shall treasure for a very long time.
Being with him helped me open my heart. If i was him longer, i would have opened up more to people but i guess i need to work on it alone and on my own. It also reminded me of impermanence and the pain of being apart with someone that you find pleasant. Maybe this is the start of a new beginning for both me in terms of learning to be more human, and him in singapore? My bitter, scarred heart has to change to a more innocent, open and loving one. NOW. I will give warmth to those who come to me like what he did to me. And i shall forever remember his kindness in helping me deal with myself when i was in a depressed state of mind. It is not everyday that you get to have a friend like that.
Meeting him made me learn one thing: saying "I truly care about you" without any follow up action and acting in ways that you do to a person are truly different. People can sense sincerity so i cant fake it anymore. Need to learn to open up and not hide everything so that i can be like this guy who now calls me kor kor. After so many years of bitterness, i need a change anyway. He has all that i want (and some features i dont want) so i need to emulate him and adopt those qualities. He's just too sincere to be true. I was initially jealous as he was well loved (and i was not) but in time i realize i need to develop certain qualities he has..like not being bitter and being open and sincere. You can really feel that he really feels on what he is doing and its not just to get attention. That, is a quality that i would want to possess one day indeed.
It's said that the Guru blesses the disciples even when they are far away to help ripen seeds. This is definitely Rinpoche's blessing as i would not have met him if not through my Guru. The more traditional texts say that the Teacher emanates as disciples in order to set examples. Am wondering if he is one?