I suffer from deep depression. It is nothing new and i have been going through this for quite sometime now. When in depression i lose the ability to make lucid decisions and i can no longer interact properly with people. I'll feel like i need to be alone (which makes it worse) and i cant think properly. Everything will be intensified and i will be mentally incapacitated. This can go on for months.
I used to be quite good at mindgames and in manipulating people to do my bidding. I've stopped since i have met my Guru who taught that it would only bring suffering. It was so bad that i was unconsciously lying and manipulating people around me. And my teacher caught it and confronted me about it. He did not allow me to justify or explain myself. And that is how i gained the courage to look into my own issues and do something about them.
However i am still feeling the effects. All i can do is be aware of it and not let it affect things/people around me. I am just aware of it as being my karma manifesting.
I'm taking control over of my depression and doing Lama Tsongkhapa's meditations help me to stabilize my mind to an extent. But the rest is still up to me. I still lack the ability to do something tho. Work in progress.
If i was not a Buddhist, i dont think so i would be able to face this properly and will have to depend on antidepressants. It is due to my Guru's kindness that i am able to overcome this, although not immediately.
